Confessions

As you know, if you read this blog, my in-laws are scheduled to arrive tonight. So, yesterday, I started cleaning the house. I had to get out my good old Flybaby manual to even remember the steps to take to cleaning the house, it's been so long since I really did a top to bottom cleaning. I started at the top, and ever so slowly, procrastinating every step of the way, managed to do everything but the floors. That night, as we were getting ready to go to bed, I asked Jerry, "So did you even notice that I cleaned the house today?"

"Yes, the floors look really nice." was his reply. Sigh. So today, I finished the cleaning. Mind you, since the floors already looked so "nice" I didn't mop, just cleaned up the worst of the spots with a sponge.

What I spent most of this morning doing (since I didn't mop) is what has got me thinking today. Each morning, one of the first things that I do is sit down at the computer and check my e-mail. Today there was an e-mail from my Creative Memories upline that included a blog entry that captured my interest. I ended up clicking over to the blog and reading it from beginning to end, a heart wrenching read, to be sure.

As I contemplated this woman's journey through the loss of her child, it made me feel many emotions - especially gratefulness for my children's health, for the ease of which my children were conceived and delivered and so forth. It makes my problems seem so small in comparison. Her journey is not one anyone would choose. It's not that she doesn't question, "Why Me Lord?" but her faith is steady - it is so inspiring. Now, of course, when I read about it, I think, "God, I want a faith like that." But if I'm really honest with myself, I probably don't. Why? Well, recently I read a great book, Same Kind of Different as Me. In this book, one of the main characters points out, when you start living for God, Satan notices. That's when the going gets rough. And to be honest, I like staying under Satan's radar. So, am I willing to risk being noticed by him? Am I wiling to be a person that Satan would ask God permission to sift like he did Job and Peter? Or do I want to go by unnoticed? The problem with being a person that Satan doesn't notice though, is that no one is going to be touched by a life like that. So, who do I want to be? Mostly I want to be someone that God can use. Anyway, my prayer for myself right now is to return to faithfulness. I think that's one He'll be delighted to answer. Don't you think so?